Chapter 38

Chapter Rating: PG

A few seconds. Just silence and stares... and a new emotion.

This moment. Capture, copy, print and hang on the mind's memo-board as a reminder that it would be nice to try and recreate this in the near future. Both women took the time and refused to rush into thoughts. They simply saw and felt.

And enjoyed.

It was the sound of Emma calling to her mother from her position in front of the television in her room that finally brought the two women back to the reality.

"Mommy. Is that my breakfast?" she yelled.

Olivia cleared her throat and broke the gaze to turn her head towards her daughter's room.

"No, baby. Why don't you get dressed and come on out here? You can tell me what you want to eat... and we can also stop shouting through the apartment." She turned back to Natalia and was about to speak.

"What?!" Emma's hollering halted her train of thought.

Natalia smiled and Olivia rolled her eyes in frustration, but smirked all the same. "Have you had breakfast yet?" she asked the younger woman who was still leaning against the doorway.

"Not yet."

"Got anywhere you need to be?"

"Nope. But..." Natalia looked away from Olivia, towards the door and then at the ground.
Why the hell am I so shy?! "I really don't want to disturb y–"

Before she could finish the sentence, Olivia had crossed her left arm in front of her, curled her fingers around Natalia's forearm and gently, but purposefully, pulled the other hotelier into the suite.

"Shut the door behind you," Olivia dropped the arm and walked towards the counter that she had left the phone upon only moments ago. " And, for heaven's sake, take off your shoes. One of the owners here is a real bitch... she'll try and sue me for damages to the property if she sees scuff marks." She winked at Natalia as she handed her the phone. "A continental breakfast for me. I'll go ask Em what she wants. Order yourself something. My treat."

"You do realize that I own the kitchen, yes?" Natalia said, not in haughtiness but in honest confusion. She'd never had to pay, directly, for a single morsel of food from the hotel in her life.

Olivia stopped at the hallway entrance to where Emma's room was situated and turned around. "Yes, Ms. Rivera, I am well aware of that," she said evenly. "I also know that you're completely missing the point... it's a matter of principal."

Natalia was certain that Olivia was right; she did feel as though she was missing something. "Principal?"

"Yes. You are an unannounced visitor who has stopped by to say 'Hello'. I have invited you in to share a meal with my daughter and I. When we come by to visit you, you can return the favor."

"I see..." Natalia said hesitantly.

Olivia laughed and shook her head. "No, you don't... but you will eventually. It's how friendships work. Let's just try it on for a few minutes and see how it fits... okay?" Olivia didn't wait for an answer but, instead, turned and made her way down the hall to get Emma's meal order.

Natalia smiled and flopped herself down on the couch that faced away from the kitchen and the rooms. She called down to the restaurant to place her order with the head chef himself. She knew who was usually working mornings and she had a special request today. After speaking with him and placing her and Olivia's orders, she yelled down the hallway. "Hey Spencer... do we know what the small-ish Spencer would like to eat?"

Olivia came out of the room laughing. "Ham and eggs, says the 'small-ish' one."

Natalia relayed the message to the chef and set the phone on the end table. She turned sideways on the couch and watched Olivia trying to find everything she needed to make them some coffee.

"Please tell me you take your coffee black," the older woman asked without turning around.

"Why? Does it scream something about my personality if I say that I don't?"

"Absolutely!" Olivia answered in jest. "That, and I haven't any cream or sugar."

"Black is fine," Natalia laughed.

"Well, it has to be, but thank you for playing along. Can't have you ruining my reputation as being the perfect hostess."

"Wouldn't dream of it."

Olivia brought two coffees over and handed Natalia hers.

"Thanks," said the brunette. She waited for Olivia to finish getting comfy before lifting her eyes from the mug resting on her lap.

There was a beat of awkward silence before Natalia finally spoke.

"So..."

"Soooo..."

"So ummm... Well, this is me..." Natalia made a gesture indicating herself being in the room "...making an effort."

Olivia took a sip of her coffee, all the while staring directly at the woman who was not more than a couple of feet way from her. "Mmhm?" she said with a smirk. "This is also 'you' first thing in the morning, huh?" The same gesture was waved at Natalia's ensemble of light blue jogging pants and an over-sized t-shirt.

"In all my glory."

"Nice!" Olivia teased and took another sip to cover her huge smile.

"Hey," Natalia retorted and pointed a finger at Olivia's own visage. "If this is what you look like first thing in the morning, I may just reconsider saying what I came here to say."

The older woman smiled briefly but quickly broke eye contact, and her smile faded as she stared into her coffee cup. "Which is..."

Natalia took a deep breath and reached forward to set her mug unto a coaster on the table. When she sat back, she turned sideways again to face Olivia and brought her feet up to the cushion in front of her, wrapping her arms tightly around her legs. She tried, but was unable, at first, to look the other woman in the eyes. She, instead, watched her own fingers trace the seam of her pant-leg.

"The other day..." She began, nervously clearing her throat. "I had no intention of that happening... completely unpremeditated." She looked up, somewhat thankful that Olivia was still staring into her coffee cup.

"It may not have been planned, but it was calculated," Olivia said calmly but in a firm tone of voice.

Natalia made no effort to defend herself. "Yes." She stated. "What you said, out in the hallway that night... about me just trying to make a point... " They both looked at each other now. "You were right."

Olivia didn't know what she had been expecting to hear or hoping to, for that matter. But she did know that it wasn't that the whole thing had just been a game. She looked out into the room.

"I was angry," Natalia continued. "And you yourself must admit that you were purposely trying to infuriate me."

Olivia hesitated. "In the beginning? No. I actually had good intentions at first there."

"But they went out the window that we–" Natalia suddenly stopped when she remembered that Emma was somewhere in the suite and most likely within earshot, "...made, uhhh, cookies? In front of?" She shrugged her shoulders when Olivia nearly spit out the sip of coffee she had just taken.

The amused woman held out her hand to indicate she was okay and tried to regain her composure. "No... that's a good one," she laughed. "Made cookies... yes. I can admit that the moment I saw you I got a bit... competitive."

"You once again threatened to take my things away from me, told me I had to obey you, and then called me a sexually frustrated freak of nature."

Olivia grimaced as she reflected upon her own behavior that morning. "I did do that, didn't I?"

Natalia nodded slowly. "Mhmm. And I think I know why you did that, also."

Olivia cocked an eyebrow at the other woman. "Enlighten me," she said as she propped her arm against the back of the couch and rested her temple on her fist.

"You were acting that way because it's so much easier for us to fight then it is to have an honest, grown-up discussion."

"We are doing just fine right now, aren't we?"

"How many times have you wanted to either say something inappropriate or mean?"

"Only five. You?"

"At least seven," Natalia smiled slightly. She reached over to pick up her coffee and took a sip. Thumbing the rim of the mug, she resumed her serious expression and tone. "The reason we aren't fighting at this moment is because we both know that now that we've... mixed the 'dough'... you and I are well on our way to turning up the heat."

Olivia gave her a sideways glance with a brief flash of a mischievous gleam in her eyes that did not go unnoticed.

"And..." Natalia quickly continued in order to try and redirect wherever Olivia's thoughts were taking her. "We can both clearly recognize that with the way things are between us as of right now, 'turning up the heat' can only lead to one – if not both – of us getting burned."

Olivia nodded in agreement.

Natalia focused intently upon the beautiful green eyes staring back at her. "I understand that I've already burned you by the way I left things that morning," she said softly.

Olivia dropped her eyes to her lap and the expression on her face changed immediately.

It was slight, but Natalia could tell that she was trying to hold in any sign of the pain or anger that she still felt over the cruel way she had been treated directly following the intimacy the two had shared.

"Spencer... please look at me." Natalia waited patiently as the other woman took a deep breath, let it out, and then raised her eyes once again.

They held each other’s gaze for a few seconds before Natalia spoke directly into Olivia's soul with both her words and the look in her eyes.


"I am sorry."


Olivia looked away and said nothing.


"I know you may not believe me, but–"


"I do."


"...but I mean it."


"I believe you."


"And while I can say that – and know without a doubt that it's true – I also have to be honest and tell you how easy it was for me to treat you that way."

Olivia looked up at Natalia questioningly.

"It was easy for me because, although a lot has changed between both you and I together, and within ourselves separately since we've met..." Natalia looked down at her own mug once again. "This is who I am. And that is what I do."

Olivia's mind began to race as she tried to process what had just been said even as the younger woman continued.

"And I also know that I am obviously going to need more than a day to figure out why I do that."

There was silence as Olivia pondered.

"I see," was the only slow response that the older woman could manage at that moment.

"The thing is... I don't see it getting any better with you. There is already so much instability in this... well, whatever this is. And way too much animosity, also."

"You are absolutely right," agreed the other hotelier, much to Natalia's surprise. "So how do we go about fixing that?"

Olivia hadn't meant to sound overly eager considering she hadn't any idea whether or not Natalia was even interested in 'fixing' anything between them.

Natalia looked at her and shrugged her shoulders. "I don't know," she responded.

Olivia brought her mouth to the hand that had been holding up her head moments before. She rubbed the back of two of her fingers against her lips as she contemplated asking her next question. She hesitated but decided that she needed to hear the answer.

"Do you want to try?"

Natalia couldn't look away but her focus became less on the woman sitting next to her and more upon the myriad of thoughts flooding her mind.

Say 'yes' Rivera! her brain screamed at her. For fuck's sake, say 'YES'!!

So many emotions. Such little faith. She whispered her reply...


"I don't know."