If someone had told me a few years ago that I would one be fulfilling a lifelong dream of writing a story that people would read, and enjoy, I can't say that I wouldn't have called the idea 'daft'. And yet here we are -summer of 2011- many seasons away from a radical decision that has changed my life in so many ways.
In my own mind, or I should say 'in the frame of mind that I was in during the early summer of 2009', I was never capable of anything like this. I could write the occasional poem, the usual angst-filled teenage drama and gut wrenching pain of a life that I hadn't even really begun to live, but that was it.
A story. Me? Yeah, rrrrright!
I had tried to write a story twice in my entire life. The first time was years ago. It was about God. (I had just finished Bible College, so pretty much everything I did was about God in those days). I didn't get further than a few paragraphs. It was rubbish. I had no idea what I was writing, or even how to write my thoughts in a way that would make people want to read them. I simply took from that a bit of disappointment, and a belief that I would never get my imagination and thoughts out on paper. No big deal. I had never truly thought it possible anyway.
I guess I should mention that, in my 34 years on earth, I've spent most of my time doubting myself, and avoiding taking any risks, for fear of proving that I was right about my inadequacies. I never had good grades. I was the 'daydreamer', a child that was loved fiercely for being 'unique' but never had any great expectations placed upon me.
I failed a lot of my classes in school. I couldn't -and still cannot, actually- read very well, in terms of speed. I gave up trying and had never read a book all the way through, until I was in my mid 20's. I didn't further my education after high-school. I wouldn't have been accepted into any school, even if I HAD a life-goal. I felt dumb. Completely useless. So I did what everyone else seemed to do; I avoided placing any expectations upon myself.
When I started writing Do Unto Others, it honestly wasn't under the guise of fulfilling a dream, or to 'make something of myself'. It wasn't to try and prove anything to myself or others. I had, once again, no expectation of it even being read. And I honestly don't know why I put it up on the Incandescent website. I remember thinking about it, and being afraid. How I actually got it up there, I don't know.
In my own mind, or I should say 'in the frame of mind that I was in during the early summer of 2009', I was never capable of anything like this. I could write the occasional poem, the usual angst-filled teenage drama and gut wrenching pain of a life that I hadn't even really begun to live, but that was it.
A story. Me? Yeah, rrrrright!
I had tried to write a story twice in my entire life. The first time was years ago. It was about God. (I had just finished Bible College, so pretty much everything I did was about God in those days). I didn't get further than a few paragraphs. It was rubbish. I had no idea what I was writing, or even how to write my thoughts in a way that would make people want to read them. I simply took from that a bit of disappointment, and a belief that I would never get my imagination and thoughts out on paper. No big deal. I had never truly thought it possible anyway.
I guess I should mention that, in my 34 years on earth, I've spent most of my time doubting myself, and avoiding taking any risks, for fear of proving that I was right about my inadequacies. I never had good grades. I was the 'daydreamer', a child that was loved fiercely for being 'unique' but never had any great expectations placed upon me.
I failed a lot of my classes in school. I couldn't -and still cannot, actually- read very well, in terms of speed. I gave up trying and had never read a book all the way through, until I was in my mid 20's. I didn't further my education after high-school. I wouldn't have been accepted into any school, even if I HAD a life-goal. I felt dumb. Completely useless. So I did what everyone else seemed to do; I avoided placing any expectations upon myself.
When I started writing Do Unto Others, it honestly wasn't under the guise of fulfilling a dream, or to 'make something of myself'. It wasn't to try and prove anything to myself or others. I had, once again, no expectation of it even being read. And I honestly don't know why I put it up on the Incandescent website. I remember thinking about it, and being afraid. How I actually got it up there, I don't know.
I had been inspired by a storyline that I had been watching on t.v. My imagination started going wild one day and I attempted to write a few lines of it on paper. I bombed it, yet again. It was horrendous and again I got only about a paragraph or two out and then I was stuck. The typical thing for me to do would to have been to say "Forget it!" And I did, actually, for about another month. And then basic plot of 'Do Unto Others' began to form in my head. So, I tried again.Sometimes in life I think there comes a point where you get so sick of standing on the ledge -looking at a world, or a life that you really wish you were a part of- and you simply have to decide whether or not you are going to let yourself fall into that dream, or forever be plagued with the dreaded thoughts of 'what might have been'.
I wasn't pushed, I wasn't persuaded. I wasn't encouraged or guided gently into it. I just fell.
And it felt AMAZING!
I put the first chapter up on a website. See, that sounds so simple when I type that, but in reality...after I did said action, it was like... "Oh my bleeping God, I just put the first chapter on a bleeping website!!!"
Scariest thing EVER! But I did it. And I waited.
People read it. They liked it. They even SAID they liked it. They responded and they asked for more.
"More?...Really?"
What have I done what have I done what have I done what have I done, I can't do this!! (Sound familiar? If you're anything like me you say this a lot... you should stop).
Everything, in terms of how I see myself and my future, has changed. And it may sound silly, that a fiction story could change a person's life. But I think it's more about the new-found faith in my own abilities, that has changed me. The kind words of the people reading my story. The praise, and criticism. The feedback and guidance from the wonderful people that I have met along the way. A first, in terms of being able to me proud of myself.
An achievement.
I'm learning to believe in myself. And I think that no matter where I go from here; if I write and publish more novels; whether I become successful in the literary world or not... I think that has been a success right there. I am learning to believe in myself.
I bleeping LOVE writing. So very much! I cannot stop now. I need to pursue this passion and live this dream. I know that I have to work from the bottom up, and that is what I shall do. Little by little. Step by step.Line by line.
And it felt AMAZING!
I put the first chapter up on a website. See, that sounds so simple when I type that, but in reality...after I did said action, it was like... "Oh my bleeping God, I just put the first chapter on a bleeping website!!!"
Scariest thing EVER! But I did it. And I waited.
People read it. They liked it. They even SAID they liked it. They responded and they asked for more.
"More?...Really?"
What have I done what have I done what have I done what have I done, I can't do this!! (Sound familiar? If you're anything like me you say this a lot... you should stop).
Everything, in terms of how I see myself and my future, has changed. And it may sound silly, that a fiction story could change a person's life. But I think it's more about the new-found faith in my own abilities, that has changed me. The kind words of the people reading my story. The praise, and criticism. The feedback and guidance from the wonderful people that I have met along the way. A first, in terms of being able to me proud of myself.
An achievement.
I'm learning to believe in myself. And I think that no matter where I go from here; if I write and publish more novels; whether I become successful in the literary world or not... I think that has been a success right there. I am learning to believe in myself.
I bleeping LOVE writing. So very much! I cannot stop now. I need to pursue this passion and live this dream. I know that I have to work from the bottom up, and that is what I shall do. Little by little. Step by step.Line by line.
So, needless to say that I hope you stick around for the ride. I have so many dream projects in my head right now. Books, short stories, even a screenplay that I will soon be working on with a dear film-director-friend of mine. The future is bright.
Thanks for stopping by my page. Hope I can somehow entertain you while you're here.
Sincerely,
Joy
(aka LuvLea)
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