Chapter 34

Chapter Rating: PG

Heavy streams of water beat down upon her. Some splashed off of her shoulders while others trickled down her reddened skin, making her body look like a map of winding roads. The water, so hot it almost hurt, was doing nothing to burn the images from her mind however. Instead it seemed to be searing them into her soul – clearly not washing away but refreshing her memory.

If there was one thing that Olivia loved about standing under the water like this, it was that here she felt no need to cry. The water flowing around her took the place of the downfall of emotions that had been threatening to pour out from her since yesterday. Within her tortured reverie, Olivia saw a cascading montage of all the bodies that she herself had ever used for whatever purchase –  be it power, prestige, an advantage over an adversary. Even just for nothing more than meaningless thrills.

When it came to the thrills, however, Olivia had found that she could manage a much better time on her own. That fact had bothered her for a while until she realized that she wasn't looking for the right things in those bodies. She had been chasing down the 'fleeting' and driving away the 'everlasting'. And she had long since begun doing her best to, at least, take something positive away from the encounters she may have with any subsequent men.

She had thought of her daughter. The example she would be setting forth. How would she feel if her precious Angel ever allowed herself to diminish that connection between two people? She wanted the best things in life for her little girl; for her to hold on to her love for all humanity and her willingness to allow that same love from others. Olivia was learning to want those same things for herself by proxy. Her wish was to find someone worthy of love while, at the same time, avoiding the treatment of others as objects.

And now, she herself was the object.

I get it Karma... Really, enough already!! Olivia slammed her fist down unto the faucet to turn off the shower. Flinging open the shower door, she grabbed a towel from a nearby rack and stepped out of the steamy enclosure. Moving to the mirror over the sink, she took a corner of the towel and wiped off the condensation that was blocking her view.

She looked at herself in the mirror.

Olivia knew that she had willingly allowed herself to become the pawn in the game; let herself be easily moved around. Controlled. Used. She had given all of the power over to Natalia, knowing exactly what was happening; aware that Natalia was lowering her to a state of complete need and dependence. And she went there, understanding that the final outcome would not be anything close to resembling the romance-movie ending that any other woman might have expected.

No, she went there with Natalia, and let the largest portion of her self go, because of what she had already come to understand as an undeniable fact...

Within Natalia she had found an answer to a question she didn't even know her soul was asking. Someone for whom her desire went beyond trying to gain something from or to feed off of. She had met someone who could challenge her, and stand up to her without false bravado. Someone who would understand the many trials and tribulations of the kind of life she led. A person with whom she could see herself caring deeply. She had been searching for this. This kind of connection was what she had been trying to find in all these years... in all of those bodies.

She dried herself off absent-mindedly. Her brain fighting to put a name on the emotion she was feeling at that moment. Anger. Frustration. Resentment. Even through all of these, however, the word 'Hope' also wanted to make an appearance.

She may not have wanted to give Natalia so much leverage but she had found herself unable to stop it from happening. She'd had, within that moment – in Natalia's office – an unprecedented need for the other woman; for Natalia to touch her in that way, and to share that moment with her. And it needed to happen in the way that it did. Of that she was more certain than she was shocked or concerned.

And to share even that all too brief moment with Natalia after the physical pleasure had started to subside; that one glance in which spoke far too many words to hear anything clearly, but got the general message across. That moment. The one which Olivia was hoping she could use to make Natalia see that there was something deeper within all of these games and maneuvers. Something more tangible going on between them than sexual urges and a struggle for dominance.

I can feel it. Why couldn't Natalia?

She turned towards a full length mirror, and after a couple of half turns and the tensing of certain muscle groups, she let out a heavy sigh. Another bonus to being attracted to another woman... She mused, they're almost certainly going to be more forgiving of your physical imperfections. She chuckled still at the newness of the situation. She had to laugh, though. Olivia was too close to despair, and there was a bright and chipper eight year old waiting for her in the next room.

"Priorities!" she said out loud to her reflection as she did her best to stifle any other thoughts of yesterday's events.

A large, fluffy towel was then wrapped around her and she made her way into the bedroom. Before she reached the clothes that she had laid out on the bed, Emma burst through the door. Olivia was just about to give her daughter a lecture about the politeness of knocking before entering, when she caught the worried expression on her little girl's face.

"Emma? Sweetie, what's the matter?" Olivia asked with concern, placing a hand on each of Emma's cheeks.

"I think Boris is dying," came the sad reply.

"What makes you say, Honey? What happened?" The mother lead the little girl to the bed and sat down, pulling Emma onto her lap, and brushing some strands of hair from her little face as she waited for the explanation.

"Well," Emma began slowly. "He hasn't come out of his shell at all since we left home."

"At all, at all?" Olivia asked to gain some insight, knowing that her daughter tended to have the ability to both gloss over and exaggerate things a bit. It had only been a few months since she had bought the rare Mollusk and she was secretly planning on cursing out the shop owner were he to have sold her a dud. Like it's even possible to know if a snail is defective. She almost giggled.

"Okay, well. He came out yesterday and looked around and then went right back into his shell. He wouldn't even try sliding around in his glass house."

Olivia rubbed Emma's back comfortingly as she formulated the best response she could think of...

"Hun, you have to remember that Boris has just had as big of an adventure in getting here as we have. But you and I have both been on an airplane before. And we have also both been to a big city before. Boris is tiny and he is new to all of this. Even your hotel room is new to him. Remember how long it took him before he was comfortable enough to walk in your hand?"

"Uh-huh," Emma said while looking down at her swinging leg.

"Well, perhaps Boris is just a bit scared, Baby. New situations are hard for anyone, let alone when you feel small and vulnerable."

And all of a sudden there it was. The switch had just been flicked. Olivia paused and gazed into the room. "When creatures are threatened they withdraw. They try to protect themselves when they feel as though they may get hurt. Boris has a thick, hard shell, and it feels safer for him to be in there right now. He may just be trying to get used to all the changes. Hiding comes naturally to him, especially since he can do it so easily."

Emma nodded to show that she was grasping the concept.

"So how do I get him to see that he is going to be okay out here?"

Olivia blinked back a couple of tears that were threatening to fall.

"Patience." Olivia responded to both her daughter's questions and the one inside her own heart. "Patience and understanding." She kissed Emma's cheek. "Boris will come out of his shell when he is ready; when he sees that there isn't all that much to be afraid of and that you will be there to protect him."

Emma smiled slightly, "So he will be alright?" she asked.

Her mother leaned forward and touched their foreheads together.

"I think we are all going to be just fine, Baby."

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The cell phone rang. She was aware of this, and yet,  it seemed to be taking her too long to move. She wanted to simply sleep the day away. Faking narcolepsy sounded like a better option than facing the many trials and tribulations that the world had been throwing her way lately. No, today Natalia was going to stay in her bed. 'Life' wouldn't happen if it couldn't find her; if she didn't bother to put her feet back on the ground.

The incessant ringtone and vibrating finally got on her last nerve. She flung herself over to the night-stand and picked up her phone.

OSpencer Calling...

Natalia's heart skipped a beat.

One more slight pause... Maybe she will hang up... and then she pressed the 'Talk' button.

"Hello?" Natalia said tentatively.

"Good morning." Came the reply with a tone that was neither overly friendly but not at all hostile, either. Natalia took notice of this and immediately sat up in the bed.

Olivia continued. "I am calling because I want you to know that I don't think it is a good idea for us to see each other... at all today, even accidentally.”

Natalia's heart sank. "Ok... I understand..."

"I need to be able to let go of the rest of this anger before I see you again."

"I get it... I do... I just..."

"Wait…" Olivia cut her off.

Pause.

"I also wanted you to know that I am not going anywhere."

Natalia sighed. "I know, I know... we are going to be forced to work with one another soon... blah blah blah. It's fine, I can try and avoid you if you think that is best..."

"You're not really hearing me, Natalia, I need you to listen."

"Do you mean you are not going back to Springfield? Aren't you leaving next week?"

It was Olivia's turn to sigh. "Yes, of course I am going back. I have hotels that I need to oversee." Olivia paused one last time before saying quietly and slowly, "And I am not going anywhere."

There was silence.

"Do you understand me, Natalia?"

There was the sound of breath finally being let out.

"Yes... I do," was all that Natalia could say.

"Good." Olivia's voice sounded relieved. "Today we will take some time to think about things. After today, though, and only when you feel you are ready, I want you to come to me. Tomorrow. A week from now. A month, I don't care. You will come to me."

Another pause.

"Are we clear on this?"

"Crystal."

Olivia could hear that Natalia was processing her words. "Okay. I guess I will see you around then."

Natalia lay back down and closed her eyes. "You will," was all she said before ending the call.

Staring at the ceiling, calming her nervous heartbeat and within the same room that she had announced she would not be leaving....

Natalia smiled.